Hash wedding vows

Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in sight of beer and in the presence of the Pack to join in bondage My Left Foot and Debbie Does Dingoes.

Now, bondage is an honorable state instituted among hashers so that you'll always have somebody to drive you home after the hash. This day signifies to this unlucky couple the end of the ability to come and go as they please, of freely ogling members of the opposite sex, of innocently flirting without repercussion. Attesting to their dreary and lonely lives, they have now resolved to end each future hash by going home and getting lucky every time without need for self-gratification or batteries.

In the words of the great spiritual leader the Reverend Dr. Kumsucker, if anyone here knows any reason why this hasher and this harriette should not be so joined, shut the fuck up!

My Left Foot, do you take Debbie Does Dingoes to be your wedded harriette, for better or worse, on trail and off, on bad hair days and good, in shortcut and shiggy, to have and to hash at least until the beer runs out?

And do you also promise to be understanding and supportive of all her many moods, providing encouragement and map reading when necessary, and telling her no, the dress does not make her look fat, unless of course any of this this interferes with hashing, drinking, or watching sports?

Debbie Does Dingoes, do you take My Left Foot to be your wedded hasher, for better or worse, on trail and off, on bad hair days and good, in shortcut and shiggy, to have and to hash at least until somebody younger comes along?

And do you also promise to be understanding and supportive of his moody silences, helping him to get it up when it's frozen from sitting on blocks of ice, providing encouragement and bail money when necessary, and telling him love handles are actually sexy, unless of course any of this this interferes with hashing, drinking, or having your hair done?

Please raise your beers and repeat after me: With this beer, I thee wed.

By the power invested to me by the Los Angeles Hash House Harriers and the State of Inebriation I now pronounce you drunk and disorderly. You may moon the pack!

To the pack: Can we have a note...